From: ben (ben@machinegod.org)
Date: Wed Feb 27 2002 - 19:13:57 MST
> Then please, impart to me, through this forum, the memes that this forum
> considers most beneficial for coping skill and self-reliance.
I cannot speak for the forum, of which I am only a small part and which
holds no specofic considerations as a mass regardless. I will however gladly
speak for myself.
Coping Skills:
-"Everything can be fixed or mitigated in some way via the conscious
application of intelligence and will."
The entire human experience has been transformed by people who had ideas
and the courage and determination to force them into fruition. No problem an
individual might have is so big that it or an analogue hasn't already been
solved, giving hope to others similarly affected.
In addition, the application of one's energies to finding a resolution
is infinitely more satifying in the long run than expending the same energy
in emoting or in prayer. While the latter might make you feel better about
living with the problem, it's not nearly as good as feeling better because
you no longer have the problem.
And of course a few of my favorite cliches:
-"That which does not kill you makes you stronger."
Realizing that your ability to face new challenges is enhanced by the
experiences gained in facing the previous gives one additional
self-confidence, which is a huge aid to any kind of coping or solving. In
addition, it is more beneficial to view the situation as a challenge that
can be learned from than it is to view it as a test or punishment from god.
-"This too, shall pass."
Reportedly the only satisfactory answer given to a mythological king's
challenge to come up with a statement that is always true. Not really useful
in the functional sense, but a handy thing to remember when the going gets
tough. Frankly, it's a handy thing to remember when the going gets easy,
too.
-"Shit happens"
Crude and simple but true. Trying to find reason in the chaos is absurd
and ultimately self-defeating. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
and the like are ridiculous and irrelevant questions to be asking in the
first place, and answers like "everybody gets justice in the next world"
shouldn't even be required. While the direct and indirect causal factors of
unfortunate events are worth looking into, trying to find an overlying
sentient moral pattern behind it serves no purpose except for alleviating
the effects of a basic human weakness. This weakness is manufactured by the
constant refusal of our society to play the dealt hand; one where there are
laborious innumerable processes to have a higher authority redress all kinds
of injustices real and imagined.
Self-reliance
Self-reliance is in itself a coping skill but I feel it is important enough
that I listed it seperately in my original mail.
-Self confidence
If you think you can't rely on yourself, you can't. If you can't rely on
yourself, this will be proven to you and you'll never accept that you can.
The two are inextricably symbiotic. If, on the other hand, people are taught
that they are capable of running their own lives successfully, they are less
likely to feel the need for divine guidance or intervention.
-"You get what you deserve"
While clearly not always true, this is a good guide to go by. When
unhappy with the situation, this instinct will cause one to examine their
own actions to see where they could have done differently and hopefully edit
their behaviour so as to change the pattern and see what past actions may
have had effects that are still changeable.
-Broad skill acquisition
The 'renaissance man' is quickly fading into extinction as we become
more and more specialized. However, as the list of possible fields to have
general knowlege in grows, we need to be expanding the breadth of our
knowlege, not contracting it (or contracting it out).
The knowlege that one can be self-reliant and the realization that they have
both a right and a duty to do so are effetive assets when one is trying to
deal with stress or grief, and as such are as mentioned above strong coping
skills. Along with the ideals mentioned above, and several others, this
forms a 'coping' skillset that is much better than 'the ability to shift the
blame and responsibility onto a mysterious third party with no proven track
record', IMO.
-ben
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